Sal - Posted - 01/20/2015:  10:34:40

So, if you're going to a small gathering (of people you only kind-of know) and someone says "hey why don't you bring your guitar?" Do you do it?  Well, although I'm probably capable, and have performed with small groups, I don't have the guts to do it alone...and I don't really WANT to.  I don't want to be the 'entertainer'.... I'm far from a professional.... I don't have hardly any songs memorized.....  I know, lots of excuses, and I'm basically just too shy.  But it strikes me as odd too, that just because I play guitar and sing, that is is assumed  I will want to do it (anywhere) & on demand.    On the other hand,  I guess if I didn't play....  I'd like someone to play and sing for me, too.   I'm really wrestling with the whole situation.

Troll - Posted - 01/20/2015:  12:25:52

Sal,

Don't feel bad about declining the invitation, or feel that you are making excuses - playing in front of people can be daunting, even for the most experienced players. Everyone has been there. People often do assume that because someone else plays an instrument, that they are always willing to perform. If you don't want to do it, then don't.

But...........don't sell yourself short. If you are like the vast majority of musicians, you are most likely your own worst critic. Expectations that you should be a seasoned entertainer, or comparing yourself to other professional musicians is not a healthy place to go. Everyone has their own unique song inside of them. You have put in some work to get to this point in your playing. Sharing it with others can be scary, but there is also nothing like the feeling after a successful performance.

Of course, some performances will be great, some not so much - but its all good. As Keith Richards said "It's only rock n roll" man. Go to my post in this section from September 22nd titled "So.....I stunk up the place last night". After 50 years of playing and hundreds of gigs, I had a real dud of a performance, but I wouldn't do anything differently. And there are a lot of supportive people here on this forum who are pulling for you.

You state that you are both capable, and that you have performed with others before. I'm willing to bet that you had a blast performing as a member of a small group. My recommendation to you is to throw your guitar in the car, and see what happens. People will enjoy listening to you play even if you don't have entire songs memorized. Trust me. And I can pretty much guarantee you that another guitarist will be there watching you and thinking to themselves - "wow, that guy is pretty good, I wish I had the guts to do that".

Follow-up with us and let us know what you decided. Good luck.

-Tom

Jim Yates - Posted - 01/20/2015:  14:32:00

I know the feeling.  I don't like playing for sing-alongs, since I rarely enjoy playing the songs folks expect.  Most of the songs I play are unfamiliar to people not exposed to the genres that interest me.  If it's a group of folks who enjoy old time, folk, blues, jug band, bluegrass, I'd probably enjoy playing a few songs.  If I'm expected to play radio hits, or pop songs, I'd rather leave the guitar at home.

Pickerwannbee - Posted - 01/20/2015:  15:30:06

I can relate somewhat.  The local music store host open bluegrass jams twice a month and although I know people who go I myself have never been.  And I do love playing bluegrass.  To me it seems that it is assumed that a guitar player is the one that is expected to do most of the lead singing.  I guess in most professional bands that is the case but not always.  I for one am perfectly content to just sit back and play my rhythm guitar and let someone else handle the vocals.  I guess that's the one thing that keeps me away from going.  I want to get back into a performing group and I know if I don't get out and let people know I play I'll never get out of the living room.  Just my two cents worth.

Texasbanjo - Posted - 01/21/2015:  07:17:03

I'm different, I guess.  I love to play for folks, whether it 's banjo or guitar, if someone asks for a song, I love to entertain.  I loved being on stage when our band was active, couldn't wait to get to gigs and play for the audience.  Love to go to jams and get in the middle of them and pick and sing and enjoy.  Guess I don't understand why others don't feel that way.  But..... if you don't want to perform, by all means, just tell them you prefer to "sit this one out".  Nothing wrong with that at all. 

UsuallyPickin - Posted - 01/22/2015:  06:54:19

People that don't play an instrument are a bit funny at times about playing an instrument in public. Understandably so but funny none the less. If I go to a party I expect to party. I am not expecting to provide entertainment........ While I truly love to play music it is work I have prepared to do through study and fiscal investment for decades. "I'm having a party can you bring your guitar" is most often an invitation to work an hour or two for free. Einstein related a story where he was asked to bring his violin to a party by a lovely young woman. He spent the evening in a corner playing to people who were not interested in his playing or his music. Going to a Jam I understand as folks are there to play music. Even going to a party where there are two or three other players with cases can be a great time. If I am to sit in a corner and play alone to a group of people that are primarily interested in talking to one another I'd rather play at the house.

banjoscotty - Posted - 02/01/2015:  05:20:43

Certainly I would ,,and have taken my guitar if invited to do so.But,I never go expecting to put on a "performance".
I play/sing a few and put the guitar down.As much as I would like for everyone to sit and listen to me for an hour
or so,,there will be some who would rather visit,talk,or eat,ect.Be polite,,someone will come and suggest that you
play a few more tunes.Doing this will almost guarantee another invitation to a party. (I THINK)??

Sal - Posted - 02/01/2015:  12:00:41

Thanks to y'all. So many of these comments reflect just how I feel, and you have expressed the same opinions that I have.
Troll, you were spot-on, I do enjoy playing in my little group (where our 'leader' has the same "lets play!" personality type as Texasbanjo). And she has slowly and gradually encouraged and pushed me to sing louder, (altho she still turns up my mic!) and kindly pulled me out of my shell to get up there and sing the lead. I can do that! and I can play my guitar good enough to do that too! Your response really helped me get it all together and quit fretting. Thanks.
So, before going to the party, I had resolved the issue and I wasn't in such a turmoil anymore. I just decided that I was prepared to explain that I'm just not a solo act, and -as UsuallyPickin said - I'm going to enjoy myself and party like everyone else, not entertain. I realized that I am more than willing to JOIN IN with a group already playing, but I am just not capable of doing it by myself . And that's that. That's ME.
With this properly adjusted attitude, I did not take my guitar, and hallelujah I didn't because given the situation - it would have been wildly out of place for me to do so. It would have been totally weird. AND for the next upcoming get-together, someone again said "hey, bring your guitar" and I just smiled, and thought to myself "nope".

captinmorgan54 - Posted - 02/07/2015:  10:57:10

When i was in high school band, my teacher said something to the effect of "making music isnt like turning on a radio" when the marching band was asked last minute to play some function. It seems i'm not alone in putting a lot of effort into my playing, and I dont enjoy being backround music. Sometimes if theres a guitar at a party, i'll just get in my zone for a bit, and if folks enjoy it, great, if not, I know I still am! Even at festivals or whatever, I feel like i'm interrupting or being aloof if i just get into that zone, because it's hard for me to focus on playing and entertaining. If someone asks me a question, I try to answer and keep playing but get all tounge and finger tied. my brain doesnt seem to want to work that way. thats A-OK with me

As far as what Jim was saying about playing sing alongs or whatever, I agree for the most part. I tend to think, well it's up to you to sing along, not me. There was a funny bit in a John Hartford record...awe shoot, which one was it...dang. a solo record at any rate. went kinda like "Here's a letter from Ms. Luie Patooie from ______ asking to play something she knows, so she can tell if i'm any good or not"

If there's a couple ofther folks picking though, oh boy, can you say oodles and noodles of fun?

Hank K - Posted - 02/23/2015:  21:44:39

Opportunities for you to perform solo under favorable conditions may well turn up at the most unexpected times & places. In such situations, it's a real luxury to be in a position to share something you truly enjoy with those who will appreciate your gift of song. Being prepared for these "out of the blue" occassions, is simply a matter of choosing 3 songs you love playing for yourself & making them your "rabbit out of the hat" performance list. In the course of your regular practice, set aside time to run through these same 3 songs during each session. Before long you'll be able to play them in your sleep. Then, when the time & place is right & you want to perform on your own...that option won't be as daunting to you.