No offense intended, but sometimes you just have to put your foot down, and ask the significant other to find something else to do with herself while you practice. Nagging gets no one anywhere, and only shows a lack of common sense and a self-centered immature ego. Unless you have a room where you can isolate yourself and practice with some privacy, the other person in your life might have to develop some patience with what you choose to do with your life, including your hobbies, and perhaps learn to have a certain amount of empathy towards others. In other words, and again ... no offense intended, but she needs to grow up and stop assuming that the world should revolve around her.

I was once married to a woman who complained every single time I pulled out a guitar, if it happened to interfere with what she wanted to do, such as watch soap operas, or entertain her friends. She claimed to be jealous of the guitar, and said that I must like it more than her, since I found it necessary to spend time with it every day, instead of watching the daytime soaps with her, and exclaiming over the ridiculous plots and casts of characters with histories that went back 20+ years.

She isn't my wife anymore. She's a fat lesbian. No kidding. I wish her well, but I'm really glad that I never have to lay eyes on her again.

You should be supportive of her needs. And the same goes for her. It's a give and take sort of thing, and no one should be subjected to harassment. Tell her to get a hobby. Nicely, of course. But she needs to take a hint and find other ways to amuse herself while you play, unless she means to join in. And/or ... basically, zip her lip and put that negative energy somewhere else. Learning to be a sharp-tongued fishwife is not really something I would consider a good habit to encourage.

My current (and last) wife, who is a wonderful, compassionate, mature woman ... leaves me alone when I play, unless she wants to pop into the music room and listen. I back her up when she wants to do something, even if I am not that enthused about what it may be. She offers me the same courtesy. I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate her, and her outlook on life and relationships. I do my level best to return the favor.

I play about 12 hours a week. She thinks that's fine. She has her own interests. I smile and encourage her, regardless of whether what she is doing gets on my nerves. We both deserve that much respect. A highly underrated thing, respect for others within the same household.

And that's pretty much the way I feel about it.

... JT

Edited by - JT Foote on 12/23/2010 14:49:58

Heh heh, great post JT. Blunt, but oh so true.

I figure if she knew you loved guitar when you were dating, she can't expect you to give it up when you get hitched. My wife is supportive of my practicing 30 - 60 minutes daily with no problems.

And would they rather be golf widows? Those guys spend hours each week ignoring their wives...and you can't entertain people at parties with a good golf swing.

That's sad, JT.
I feel fortunate my dh plays banjo, and we have similar tastes in music.
Even after 35 years being married, we still play instruments together.
(I was going to write, "make music together" but thought it might be taken differently than intended. ;) )

:) :)

I'd like to say that I play every day, when in reality it's probably 4-5 days per week. Sometimes for 20 minutes...other times I can play for a couple of hours. The cat makes a good audience!

tumbleweed,
i tried taking up the fiddle,it's cold and lonely in the garage.this time of year i'm laid off,have the house to myself so only the dogs complain.
i can only play the acoustic for 20 minutes or so,if i'm really into it i switch to the tele. i'm still intrigued with the banjo,can't get enough time on it.
danjo

Married for 22 years and we have five children.
I'm involved with music more or less every day (or whole weekend or even a longer tour).
Before we got married my wife asked me what I'm going to do with my playing hobby and the bands if we marry. I answered that probably playing is not going to diminish in my life. And it certainly hasn't, quite contrary (at the moment three active bands, songwriting, home studio, instrument building, studying sound designing apart from being a class teacher). I must admit, it was good we discussed over the thing beforehand. She's a treasure!

Oops saturday a week is her 50th birthday and I'll be on a gig.

quote:

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Originally posted by rustman
oops saturday a week is her 50th birthday and I'll be on a gig.

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Defenitely!
Friday is ours.

I play either my guitar, mandolin, squareneck resonator, fiddle, or mountain dulcimer at least one hour a day, after my daughter and wife fall asleep. It just depends on which instrument I feel like playing. I'm not an expert on any of 'em but I have to switch it up. I think I have some sort of musical ADD :) And of course I practice a lot more on the weekends. Needless to say with all of the different instruments I never get bored. It helps keep me out of trouble :)

I never go a day without picking up a guitar and usually a mandolin and/or banjo too. Unfortunately, I don't have a regular practice plan. I will practise material that I have to learn for a performance, but don't often work on other materials.

I practice about 2 hrs. a day with a day off about every 6 to 8 days or so. I'm lucky and have a place where I don't really bother anyone. I agree with musekatcher in that practicing and playing are two different things. Practicing in my case is not something anyone else could listen too. But then I could probably say that about my playing too.

I try to Write songs every day, I try to never repeat the melodies or progressions on original material, I try to explore as many Styles as possible. I practice one trad flatpicked tune a day until I get it. Soildiers Joy is under construction now.

Just a little every day guitar/mando

JT, I have to agree with you. I'd be blown away if my spouse gave me grief over practicing. Sometimes he's even concerned about coming in a room and turning on a TV or computer because he doesn't want to chase me out of the room. That said, sometimes I recognize that it's best to head to one of the back bedrooms and play quietly to the wall, or even put down the guitar and sit on the couch and watch a movie with the guy. I try for an hour a day minimum, sometimes more and sometimes it turns out to be nothing, so I'll visualize bluegrass runs in my head.

At least an hour a day.